Middle Age = Middle Sight

Yesterday morning, as I exercised on the floor, our dog, Molly, lost her ball under a dresser near me. I could clearly see the ball no more than 3" under the dresser. Molly, however, couldn't.

Molly is an extremely healthy eleven year old Airedale (yes, the same pup I introduced in an earlier post). Our Vet said to consider her a Cougar with plaque on her teeth. But despite her good health, I can see aging creeping up on her.

I could tell she knew the ball had gone under the dresser; she nosed around it for a while. But, at no time, did she get down on all fours to actually look under. I pointed and said "It's there" but she just pranced around the room checking other corners to see if it might just appear.

After a few minutes of this, she finally laid down in front of the dresser, reached a paw in and pulled the ball out triumphantly!

Now, I'm not one to go on about the antics of our pets but this one reminded me of my husband looking for something in the fridge. If the object of his desire is not at the front of the shelf at eye level, it doesn't exist. He wouldn't consider bending down (or moving things around) to search.

This is not a comment against his gender since I am just as guilty of losing things in the fridge (funny how we rarely notice our own lapses though).

I believe, rather, that this is an age thing. The older we get, the less we're willing to bend down or stand on tippy toes in search of things. Eye level rocks when you pass 60!

I see an upside down fridge coming this year! 

For poor Molly, I see more balls around the house to replace those that she can no longer see. 

Oops - now I see a tripping hazard waiting to happen.

Hello Again

Hello again. 

OK, I know it's been a while and 'Hello again' seems a tad inadequate. To be truthful, I'm returning to the blog at the request of readers of my book. Yes - I said My Book!

In the intervening years since last I wrote here, life has ticked along as it does for everyone. Marriages have taken place, grandchildren have been born, a job and then retirement filled those years.

But through it all I wrote. Researching Olive Wilmot's short but remarkable life was initiated after I closed The Village Linen Cupboard in Newcastle. At that point, it was more of an occupation to fill time than anything but I quickly became determined to present an alternative view to the salacious stories told about her in Newcastle. 

Had They But Known Her is the outcome. Self published in 2018, the book has enjoyed a level of success I never dreamt possible. 

Oh, it's never hit the Best Seller lists but I am continuously surprised and delighted by the interest and enjoyment readers express. Thank you. You have invited me to speak at your Book Clubs (leading to a guided tour of Newcastle 'Olive' sites for one eager club) and to give a talk at St. George's Church in Newcastle. Each individual or group I hear from is a new surprise. All of the attention so far has been by word of mouth; one reader to another; one book club to another.

There is nothing more flattering than to have your book make its way around by personal recommendation. But, apparently, I'm not easy to find for those who would like to know more about me. I thank Linda at the last Book Club I spent time with for letting me know this. 

That's where this blog comes in. Since I am an amalgam of all of my life experiences, I thought it might be interesting for readers to catch a bit of my history so decided to continue on here rather than beginning new.

For those of you who are wondering, I continue to write. Although my first novel (and current one underway) explore historic fiction, my writing style is generally narrative, a touch philosophical, and reaches into the many corners of my life as a women of a certain age. While I'd like this blog to be all about Olive, my thoughts here will be more expansive I think, although it's early days. 

So, que sera sera. What will be will be. 

BTW - for those who stumble on this blog and haven't yet read the book, Had They But Known Her is available from Amazon.ca and .com 

If you'd like to reach out to me, I'd love to hear from you, the all important Reader.

Like many young girls, my daughter used to dream of dating Prince William. Now it seems that wasn't too far-fetched after all. She tells me that if we had just sent her to the right school, who knows what might have happened. This is my daughter, photo-shopped into this photo with William (thanks to our son-in-law, KK Law Photography). 

While I can laugh, I secretly realize I would never want this for her. Is Kate's mother feeling the same for Kate? 

 I'll admit it: I watched 'the' wedding; just as I watched his mother and father's wedding 30 years ago (except that I could tape this one to watch it on my time - yeah to progress). In 1981, I got my 4 year old daughter up to watch it, feeling history was in the making. The importance of the event never did hit her but she joked that she was going to get her 3 year old daughter up to watch this one in the spirit of what mothers do with their daughters. 

 As I watched Diana's wedding, I was creating advice for her in my head. I felt at the time that the similarities in our lives were astonishing (okay - maybe they were more in my head, too). I also married young; to a man just a few years older but we had different tastes in music and other things, just as Charles and Diana experienced. It was a stretch, I recognize now with the benefit of maturity. I really can't think how I imagined my life paralleled Diana's beyond that. 

Watching this wedding, I was thinking more of Kate's mother than Kate. How strange to sit across the aisle from your daughter's new family and realize her new grandmother is the Queen of England. All I could think of is 'My God, she'll never be able to talk to her friends again." 

You know how we talk as women (at least to our most intimate friends); we share the trials and tribulations of our children; our difficulties with our spouses ... We talk to feel better. We say things we don't really mean in the process of figuring life out for ourselves. Kate's mother's intimate circle just become much smaller. 

I was also struck by how overwhelming all of this must be for her mother and father. Successful entrepreneurs they may be but what could have prepared them for this immersion into royalty? I wouldn't be surprised if the 'princess classes' that Kate is taking extend to protocol classes for her entire family. 

While each of us may think of our daughters as princesses, their's will actually become a Queen. They will have to curtsy to their daughter one day. 

At least they get to ease in to it while Kate wears the role of Duchess first.

My Next Step

Three months now since I closed my business. Three months of waiting for official word of what my next steps will be. Not exactly clear on who is going to send me the message but I'm certainly waiting for the curtain to part and all to become known. After all, the shop was brought to me in much this way so I'm sure it's going to happen again.

Funny thing is, I am well aware that life doesn't happen to us behind closed doors. It's through chance encounters; arranged meetings; fun social events; and any number of other ways that we interact with people, that opportunities present themselves to us.

Trouble is, I have been behind closed doors for these three months. Small annoying things kept getting in my way of getting out. Slipping on the ice put me out for three weeks or so; a sore heel of the sort that athletes suffer from (how on earth I got it I do not know) has been ongoing; sinus infection ... After a while I began to suspect that the universe was sending me a message - "Sit back. We're not ready for you yet."

Finally went for my walk to the lake this morning. It just feels like time for me to take control again. Besides, the sun was shining.

OK Universe. I've taken the first steps. I await your next instructions.

Having it All

Just watched 'Eat, Pray, Love'. I was the only person I knew who found the book to be a story of extreme self-absorption of the type that not many of us can indulge in. Watching the movie, though, made me realize how similar our quests actually were. While I'm not recovering from a lost love, I AM seeking to understand what my next step in life will be.

In January, I closed my business of four years; an elegant little shop that allowed me to immerse myself in all things beautiful; challenge myself with what I am capable of; and to meet some wonderful women doing so. It was a labour of love and one I feel blessed to have been able to pursue. But, for many reasons, I decided to close.

I'm doing my best not to stress over what I should now be doing. My husband is encouraging me to take my time in this - to enjoy the transition. Certainly I'm enjoying our ability to spend time together again. Running a business, while personally rewarding, was a large impediment to our relationship. How could someone working six or seven days a week and out many evenings (and who talked about the business incessantly) be fully engaged in anything other than the business?

The joys I experienced as a business owner were all MY joys. The new friends I've made through the business are MY friends. All of it was MY experience; not ours.

So, how is it that we are told we can 'have it all'? We can be wives, mothers, career women, attentive friends ... And we can be good at all of it, too. This was the message of my youth, the generation that followed the ground-breaking feminists.

Well, I now get it. No one, male or female, can have it all. At least not all at one time. Our lives are journeys with emphasis on different things throughout.

When our children are young, the family is healthier when at least one parent is fully engaged in their daily lives. In our family, it was primarily my role while my husband traveled for his career. I was excited when my children reached an age that I could return to school. The business was a natural next step in this exploration of 'having it all'.

What I didn't realize during the combined years of school and entrepreneurship was that I was developing me but diminishing my relationships. Everyone around me; my husband; my children and grandchildren; my parents; my friends; seemed to compromise their needs while I was busy pursuing my wants. Of course, they didn't voice this - they were all proud of what I was doing.

Having to schedule time (around events in the shop) for the birth of my twin grandsons helped me to see how difficult life was getting.

How, then, is it possible to explore our capabilities without jeopardizing the most important facets of our lives - the people we love? This question deserves discussion. I plan to bring it up often to hear the experiences and perspectives of others.

Tell me Twice

A friend and I were chatting this morning and she asked what the sex of my daughter's expected twins is. After telling her, she said, "you probably told me before but I forget. Anyway, doesn't matter. I get to enjoy the news all over again."

I have never thought about that aspect of this short term memory haywire thing that happens to me. It's so true. I get to relive a great deal of what I hear.

Sometimes this may not be so good; when a friend shares sad news, for instance, that I had forgotten about. But I do get an opportunity for a "do-over", hearing it the second time, to share some empathy with her and perhaps help her feel a little better.

But happy news heard a second time must be good for my soul. I can only imagine that it's good for the giant checklist of experiences in my mind. Feel good moment; check. Belly laugh with friend; check.

Here's to enjoying old news!

Lessons Learned from Paddywax

The success of new items in the shop, including a new line of fragrance diffusers and candles, started me thinking about successes I've had and lessons I've learned. This 'Library' series is proving to be a hit with customers but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit to having brought in a few less than popular products at times.

Popular wisdom tells us that we learn a great deal from our mistakes. I do believe this and can readily tell you which mistakes I've made and what I've learned from them.

As time marches on with this business of mine, I am serving a greater number of people in a greater number of ways. After four years, I am certainly a bedding specialist, having encountered a surprising number of unique beds and customer choices.

I know I've made two mistakes in bedskirts - when we make assumptions, we're often wrong. Assumptions with these two customers proved that their box springs were not standard height and the skirts were short. I now ask everyone to confirm box spring height. Lesson learned.

The thing is; I am learning a great deal more from my successes.

I've sold a great many skirts that were exactly right; even different than a customer may have thought of. The comments these customers make when they return to the shop tell me much more about what goes right. These "successes" encourage me to make like suggestions to other customers, who report back that they are pleased, and so on.

Every bit of feedback a customer shares with me is a lesson. I've been remarkably blessed with the positive remarks I hear. Each one inspires me and teaches me I'm on the right path.

Lessons come in many ways. A new line of products which sits on the shelf instead of going home in customer bags is a lesson learned.

But a new line of products that flies out the door teaches me so much more. This lesson teaches me about quantities to buy; varieties to introduce; prices to set; display to complement; and customer service to explain.

The lesson of products unsold tells me I missed the mark with that item. End of lesson. The lesson of successful buying also tells me I'm on the right track with what I like for my customers; encouraging me to trust my instincts and keep going with new and bigger ideas, which brings additional sales. Which encourages me to trust my instincts and keep going ...

Each and every Paddywax product sold teaches me that my judgment is fine. Popular wisdom may be right about learning from our mistakes but I believe I am far more successful because of the positive reinforcement I've received than I would be focusing on the errors I've made.

Not all that different from training my puppy!